It’s been a while, dear readers. My apologies for that.
Being newly single (1,5 months is still minty fresh with these sort of things), I have had time to ruminate about quite a few things. And to my great surprise and overall relief, being a free lady after 2-year-long “captivation” is not at all that bad. Not that I have been turned into a sout troll so much by my own experience, but my ponderings about the topic have lead to the following:
1. You probably don’t know who you are yet.
The majority of 20-somethings I know have just recently took first baby steps towards full independence. And those same steps resemble those confused birds you see leaving their nests for the first time. They are hazed and amazed by their surroundings and the taste of freedom (which soon crushes under financial obligations that normally arise in this stage).
Those of us who have chosen an education are considered lucky, having “found out the path” to their future careers or life choices. Sure, for that to happen one must at least have a hint of what they want from life or what they are as persons, but a lot of the same people switch cources or drop the whole I’m-pressured-into-upper-education project after the first year.
In Denmark in particular, a lot of young adults take a year off from secondary school just to work or wander around the world if they have previously spared some cash before graduation. All of that for what? They take time off to figure out who they are and what type of education or career choice would be most satisfactory in the longer run.
A boyfriend who doesn’t know if he’s going to be a rockstar or a podiatrist? No, thanks.
2. Chances are that you travel away after completing graduation.
This argument is a bit shaky, I have to admit that, yet willingness to change one’s geographic location for better/more challenging job affects a relationship from head to toe.
For US-readers I’ll just quickly pinpoint that work mobility policy of the Europian Union allows people to travel freely and stay up to six months in a country if they’re on a pursuit for employment. This means that as a fresh graduate in the EU, one can travel to 28 countries to get that perfect job! Not to mention that the superambitious can find, charm, and convince any employer in any corner of the world.
Given that 20-somethings are going to be the generation feeding the army of retired Europeans + our own old parents, we might as well enjoy our jobs. If I were to be headhunted for a position where satisfaction comes from solving challenges, the work atmosphere sends you off home with a smile and collegues are the people you don’t want to stab – I’ll pack my things ang go.
Sadly, I would not be able to pack my boyfriend into the suitcase unless he’s a contortionist. Or is willing to come with me. Which makes being with someone an very big and unavoidable problem in case of relocating for better career opportunities.
3. We live in a me- me – me type of culture.
In general, we live in times when a lot of attention is devoted to the personal self. Think of all the DYI blogs, self-help/improvement merchandise, the individualistic mentality of Western society (you’re the best! you’re a champion!).
This happens here as well. A big 20-something guy segment of Denmark is keenly interested in the following activities: excessive beer drinking, football (mainly FIFA but on real fields as well), smoking weed and just having a good time. Although these activities commonly call for a group of people, the amount of time spent on just “me – time” among these young men is incredible. What they want is simple fun.*
Relationships require hard work. Time and devotion. Screwing down on the huge ME meter and giving some space and thought to your significant other. The previously presented list items require either a little money beforehand, a controller or a football, and a dealer. One way or another, it’s a list of commodities than can be easily exchanged in short time: work for money, money for goods.
Which one is easier: play FIFA all night with the guys or carefully crafting a surprise date for your girlfriend? Now this is a no -brainer.
Well, folks, this is al for now. I definately had more in my head, but these little thought kernels disappear like popcorn from a bowl before a start of a movie. I might update this as I find more intricate reasons to prolonged and concious singlehood in ones 20s.
Meanwhile, I would like to stress that I do discern that when love happens, none of the previous reasons matter. And I really hope that all you there who are happily in a relationship stay there and enjoy it!
*I know not all the guys in Denmark are like that. I cheer to those who prove me wrong, but so far this has been my experience here.
Dear readers, I assume that all of you have been in a relationship. Or something close to it. Well, at least you know the butterflies in the stomach feeling, right?
Love is great and empowering and the leading force in life. You can love your jeans that have lost all shape and colour but you obstinately refuse to throw out or simply a well-written song. And of course, there is love for another person.
Let’s say you and your significant other have been together for a while. And everything’s going fine, besides a few fights every now and then to shake off the dust from an otherwise tranquil relationship. Take time to remember the smooth change of vocabulary that comes along as a bonus to the bond you share. When does ’I’ become ’we’?
There’s isn’t anything that distraughtful in starting to speak about yourself in the first person with switching the ’I’ to ’we’. Buddism laid aside, where losing ego is a virtue, I live in a Western culture and I want my damn ego back!
I have fallen in a trap of changing terms as my relationship is getting closer to a 1,5-year signpost. At some point, whenever I was refering to something I did myself, I began to use ’we’. No, ’we’ didn’t do the laundry and no, ’we’ didn’t get that damn dinner cooked. And still, I trip over the same misuse of pronouns. This is especially annoying when it occurs while talking to other people, couple-ish or not, making us two sounds like a couple that has passed their silver wedding.
Why does it bother me so much? The truth is, countless lovey-dovey moments later, I refuse to fuse. I am not a hermaphrodite, having one heartbeat but different minds, trapped in a single body. I am serious, he is easy-going, I like to read books, he barely touches them. He’s an owl, ready to party all night and sleep all day, while I’m wide awake 7 in the morning and deadtired at 11pm.
My brain knows the attitude towards ’we-ism’, yet my tongue is slow to learn the difference.